Dylan Thomas

Poetry is what in a poem makes you laugh, cry, prickle, be silent, makes your toenails twinkle, makes you want to do this or that or nothing, makes you know that you are alone in the unknown world, that you bliss and suffering is forever shared and forever all your own. - Dylan Thomas

Friday, January 25, 2008

Tea Quote

It is strange how a teapot can represent at the same time the comforts of solitude and the pleasures of company.
-anonymous

I want to rearrange again!

I am the eternal tweeker only over the years I know my tweeking has gone over the top. I had Ira sleeping on a shelf above a closet once and he moved around so many times at the LaValle house from room to room that he grew to like it better than a static room of his own...I know the gypsy in me tends to affect those around me. I told Jenna that I was not happy with the way things were in the bedroom or in the Kitchen and wanted to rearrange. I swear I saw her get paler... she then wailed "oh no!" but I must you see. So as I think of how to best make it workable in both rooms I looked online for ideas. Please vote as to the style that best represents me to you from what you have learned of me on my blogs or in the real world... I need time to do this...a snow day or a slow day...do I have those anymore? Seldom but it must come and soon.

My Dozen

What Dozen things must I have in my kitchen:
1.) Onion
2.) Celery and Carrots
3.) Spices: Cayenne Pepper, Sea Salt and Garlic
4.) Almond butter/Peanut butter as well as Pecans/Almonds/Brazils or Hazelnuts
5.) Coconut oil and EVOO
6.) Lemons or Limes
7.) Tea and a pot for a bit of refreshing with cookbooks/mags to peruse
8.) An assortment of flours like spelt/brown rice/amaranth/oat/corn meal
9.) Brown Rice with additions of Rye berries and Wild Rice
10.) Salad stuff - anything goes
11.) Eggs preferably Cage Free
12.) Cheeses: Goat and Feta and Farmers for example plus a bit of Jalepeno Jack for nachos

To these things I add what I find is interesting, inexpensive this week or down in the bottom of my freezer like: Fish/Chicken/Beef/Lamb and Turkey and the organic veggies at Whole Paycheck that are anywhere near affordable...this week it was beets/leeks and parsnips.

I cook from my head but also my heart...I like the supper table to be cleared and pretty with napkins and placemats. I often cook soup each week and have a huge salad for several days. In winter it is best to consume the warm before the cold so a bit of soup is good before each meal. I like stews and country fare made healthier with lighter ingredients. Flowers are welcome but a nice teapot makes a lovely centerpiece and the one my husband gave me for Christmas has been sitting in a matching tray and will stay there til valentines day when I will find another lovely eye pleasing low thing to adorn the table center. I try to create tasty and economical healthy meals. Sometimes they are a 10 but really often I only hit a 7 or 8. I just keep on trying to tweek it to perfection. Life comes at you hard so be prepared!

Friday, January 18, 2008

Mama said there'd be days like this...But Weeks?
Oh Lord, Help!

For the Record!

This was another of those weeks that stretch you and either break you or make you able to bounce back like the proverbial rubber band. Monday I was here, stayed until we took Suzanne's green van in to Firestone then I drove to the office where I did not find what I was looking for. Went to the bank, then home and got Jack ready and drove back to Madtown for Chiro appnts. Jack's X-rays were eye opening and way encouraging. Some of the employees who saw them cried at the life they saw opening up in the vertabrae's. Yeah! Accupuncture was barely endurable this week but eventually over and we left for Cambridge to eat supper with Mike and Jessica and play with Eliana. Mike helped get Jack in and eventually back out. Thanks son! It was fun and the bread Jessica made was delicious. The air smelled like sewer when we arrived and I cringe that they have to endure that but guess it is part of the house deal. The place is old and not kept up well. It has not got the charm of the LaValle house but the same caretaker so ???guess it will fare similarly. We were tired so left at 8 so we could be home at 9:30 PM. I stopped and ran in to Walmart to buy a turkey quickly for the Peterson meal on Thursday when we will have our traditional holiday meal together. Tuesday when I awoke I needed to rush to the church to meet some older gents who were making a free paper delivery (the last as the mill closed) and that was fine. Then the Alliant man was to come to my house to checkout my furnace. The good news is we are not dead. The bad news is ..."Condemned"! So then I hurried to search for a reputable heating and cooling person. I checked references with the Alliant man and then called 2. The one who answered promised to come immediately so I ran to the dentist and got my fillings done for tiny cavities and cancelled the crown. Home again to meet with the Muchow man, his company did research for a new wall furnace that would fit in the place the old one was and we then found out that we needed a new chimney up to code as well. The whole deal could be done that next day and the price seemed right (ouch!) as I went online and checked wall-furnace prices which would have the BTU's needed for 1100 square feet. It is done and we are warm. There is always a critic and I heard about my mistakes in buying the house to begin with and etc. For some reason I think I couldn't please her if I was perfect.
But I did my best and that is good enough for me. I know I was not negligent and I thank God that we did not die from the CO the old furnace put out. It was checked a year ago and it was fine. Things change, stuff happens and I cannot be held responsible for all that comes up. I try to stay on top of what needs doing but it is more than I can handle some days. So what should I do? Quit? NO! Later I heard that more of the critical spirit was being verbalized. It makes me feel bad and 2nd best on one hand but on the other hand God knows what I am dealing with and He will deal with both me and my critics with mercy and justice. That gives me confidence to go forward. I already know that I am 2nd best in some eyes, stupid for believing in God and for a long list of other things. I just have to keep loving the ones who have destroyed my family and took away my home. I now have a new home and my family first is my kids and grandkids. I want to honor my mother and help her when I can and show respect for my brother inspite of all that has happened but sometimes the anger overwhelms me and sometimes I am certainly very very sad.
Blogging helps me overcome the feelings!
So the next day (yesterday) was another one full of many things. It was snowing...we accumulated over 6 inches by night. I had to take Jack to the clinic for his shot. That place was very sparse with people. The snow had scared them off. I stopped after the clinic to drop off some things Pam W needed for her daughter's birthday visit (Kari turns 21 today) and hung the bag on the doorknob. I texted her where it was and soon got a call with her crying hard and begging me to come as she had fallen down the outside steps and hurt her back bad. I took Jack home and went back quickly to take her to E.R. where we spent the next 4 hours. Jenna had to shovel and finish the meal. I missed prayer and so did she but the needs got met and dinner happened. It was good in many ways but I am wiped. After dinner the kids watched the 12 dogs of Christmas and followed their parents home. Petersons sump pump went out and their basement flooded on Tuesday and the clean up will take months. Then Jenna and I went again to check on Pam who was taking her flexerall and Vicoden and needing help to lift her left leg. Home to sleep, up for coffee and packing to come down here, another check on Pam and I stopped to find my calendar that would fit in my frame as no one got me one. I finally found one that I liked and got it for 75% off. Yeah.
Needless to say I am dead tired and heading for bed now. I thought Mike would come after work but guess not. We had agreed to go online to look for something but oh well. It will happen later if not tonight. I have Chiro in A.M. Progress on my health. I am racked with pain tonight. It is about a 7 on 1 to 10 scale. Yucky huh? Well, it will get better... the stress causes flare-ups of the Fibro but it is on the way out. I love going online and blogging and reading others blogs and next week I will try and make it more positive as it is bound to get better. God will not let me be crushed completely.
I am considering going to a Financial Counselor as these emergencies are tough (but not one of those fly-by-night ones that steals your money and does nothing.) I will do research to find what I need! This onslaught has to end eventually. But even if it does not I will stand strong and do my best. That will have to be enough. God will help me. I believe and will not be shaken loose. Shaken but strong that's me!

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Left the group home for the asyllum!

When I came down I knew I couldn't really leave Jenna with Jack and I hated to bring him and leave her with the dogs so I asked Peggy to come over Friday thru Sat. and Heather to take the overnight and take Jack to church shift and then Peggy could come back if it suited her. Well it was a real adjustment for all. I have had hours on the phone listening and advising. Jenna is still hurting but her feelings are hurt by her dad and others laughing and making little of her pain...Peggy did not know exactly how to help and so Jenna got mad and did most of the work. I coached a bit and she prayed so got the idea that she needed to be more specific and understanding with Peggy's efforts. The eyes are still black and she is still swollen a bit. Her head hurts and glasses are still not useful. I am still amazed at that fall. Guess I was not meant to see that particular movie...my love for Nessie is strained at present!
So I left after Tom Stamman and a week of working overtime trying to keep up. Got here and the kids were subdued as it was Friday. The green van is making noises so I did not have to transport Metrie to see his mom and she didn't want him til Sunday anyway so I get to just stay here and hang out. Tisha is in rare form with M.O.M doses to end her painful BM's so it has been a poopy time in some ways. She has such a fit when I clean her up. She even bites and kicks!
So, I am taking it one hour at a time...slept 8.5 hours last night and it was good! My hip hurt from shoveling but it feels better now. I ate all wrong but oh well... drank more coffee than is good for me but oh well. Had to take pain stuff today again. Eating is the key to being pain free that and exercising and getting rid of subluxations. So today the place became very crazy all at once. Isaiah came in while I was having the kids clean up the playroom downstairs. Then I dyed my hair and when the plastic bag was applied to increase the heat and processing on top of the tinfoil sections...here came Jordan and Lewcie without Peggy so they are here playing and all chance of cleaning is out the window. They make huge messes and are extremely loud! I did get several complement on my hair. Kids are so accepting of my streaks of wierdness. I look forward to tomorrow when Jessica and Eliana are spending the day. My only regret is that I may not be able to go to church. If not then I will spend more time in the word tomorrow night. Life has all these twists and by the way if I did not tell you, I am tired, not dead but really tired. I am sure it will pass. I feel the urge to sleep in one more day and keep my pj's on 'til 11:00.
But the crazyness... it better pass...am sick of the complete nutso life with bombs on the left and on the right an alligator swamp...straight ahead is quicksand and I can never retreat to the denial I was in. Onward with sword and shovel...

Think about it-

Love is a fire.
But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.
- Joan Crawford

Friday, January 11, 2008

Another Week to Heal!

She (Jen) is a bit better and I am buried in the mess of our life. All I have done is care for folks and try to do my jobs in between. AAAAARGGH! I wish I were more able to handle the deal but it stresses me. Mom talks to me and says "You sound like you are handling it just fine. You don't sound stressed." She thinks stressed is a total nervous breakdown. (I am into faithful but the stress is huge at times...) No way...How in the world am I to sound? Must my voice go higher and I begin to stutter or must I randomly cry??? Oh no that is not me I just keep on trying until I find myself in someone's garden picking peaches to eat from my car on the way to nowhere. Blah!
So last night was the Tom Stamman meeting. My writers all bailed on me due to personal issues and weather. It was a fantastic night with many people there. Lines were on all sides of the room for various things. I was so excited! I found others to write and the chili cooked merrily away downstairs to be consumed by 30-40 people later. It went well and I was in bed by 2 AM after shoveling the walk so we didn't get a fine. It has not snowed here again and Dave brought Peggy this morning and scooped a bunch more. I am surrounded by immature and unreliable Christians who are struggling to learn and grow but...the old demons keep rising up and making them think a certain way. Joyce Meyer's book "The Battlefield of the Mind" should really be required reading for every Christian that wants to grow and learn and become all that Christ wants us to be. I really enjoyed last night and had the opportunity to clean off about 8 cars from 3 inches of wet heavy snow while the drivers sat eating chili in the basement. Fun! My body slept like a baby (up every couple hours but never fully awake) and it was a good night.
I am overjoyed to be here for the weekend. I like how S is fixing up the house. Jackie was here cleaning today. S has a big heart and wants to help those she knows who need it badly. J does clean hard and will paint as well. I brought along magazines and notebooks to use to build my plan for the year. I am investing in my own future and putting incentives into picture and word form so I can go back and encourage myself. Oh, and by the way I have done pretty well at not spending a lot this week. I stopped and got stuff for Chicken soup to fix tomorrow with brown rice and veggies. I am just very tired and feel the need to heal and rest while working. At least I am serving kids here and they are more loving and simpler than adults. That part is a plus for me. I loved my life with my kids for the most part taking away the really tough sick times. It was the best of times. Taking care of Karah and Metrie is like that. Jordan is a bit harder. She so needs one on one with mom or a loving adult. Lewcie is doing fine but is quite a tom-boy much like Jessi Lynn was.
Oh funny. I met a man with a 3 year old chocolate lab who is named Jessica Lynn! I laughed hard! He has his hands full for another year at least. Yesterday was dog day for me. After getting a lot of disappointments from my workers I said I thought I liked dogs better than people so I had to call Turk an Irish Wolfhound, Pam a Golden, Gail a Chihuahua and Peggy a Shepherd. When asked what I am I said " A big Great Dane"! Then the whole night was about dogs... some guy came from Illinois that manufactured Doggie Bites the healthiest dog treat in America according to CNN Interview. He donates $10 out of each sale to support a kid in Tom's Feeding Centers in Guatamala, Honduras, Peru, someplace in Africa and also in India. Go Tom and Go Doggie Bites! Wish it had been my idea! I love my doggies but I too want to fight injustice and help the starving kids have full tummies, stay alive and find JESUS!

Friday, January 4, 2008

Oh What a Mess I'm In!

So got back on New Year's Eve and made my resolutions prayed at Midnight after taking communion. New Year's Day brought more opening of gifts and then dinner with friends. It was a pleasant time and all but Jack watched Ratatoulle and laughed together. After the gang left Jenna had more gifts for us and during that time I discovered that my camera had been broken. Someone no doubt dropped it or knocked it off and put it back where it was. I had no recollection of anyone using it or touching it after the earlier pictures we had taken. I was everywhere though and not in perfect attendance of my guests while the movie got started. I know almost all got up to use the restroom at some point but nothing points to any one. One is 14 and prone to mess with stuff but still I cannot accuse just because of that! So, even if I pinned the person down no one has money and they don't even own a camera themselves so what use to follow up I thought...? So I accepted the loss and Jenna taped the camera to hold it together and it is useable so far if taped. Just after making resolve to not spend using credit...tricky devil. I still am not paid for the camera "lost" by a person using it for church business who had a past of dealing with theft on occasion. I do not say he did it on purpose but I do think that he has a nice new digital camera now and I once in awhile get a small payment on the camera. He still owes me $137. So then I realize this is not only a trial but a test. Take a breath, forgive, and move on... Jenna and I wanted to go to a movie after Jack was to go to bed so we checked it out. I love the story of "Nessie" so Water Horse is appealing to me and shot in Scotland to boot. We had to deliver some kitty litter to PW as she left it in Jenna's car earlier. When we pulled up to her house it was dark. I had already turned off my phone and told Jack when we would return to the movie so I had turned his off too as he was in bed. (He does know how to turn it on.)
She pulled her car up to a huge snowbank and got out with the litter and disappeared behind the snowbank. I saw her get closer to the house, turned and looked ahead. After a few moments I turned and looked. No lights on the porch yet and no sign of a figure between me and the house but I couldn't see the sidewalk only the steps area going up to the porch. A little longer and I was wondering if she was talking to Pam or what??? Could she be hurt? About then I heard a thump and crying. I quickly opened the passenger door and saw a horrible sight. Jenna was cut open on her forehead and bleeding everywhere. Her shirt, coat, face, hands were full of blood and she was crying that her head hurt. I helped her into the car and raced around to the drivers seat and began praying outloud all the way to the E.R. I pulled into the unload zone and grabbed a wheelchair and helped her into it. She looked bad and moaned that her head hurt as she held her head. I got nurses and the night was off to a snails pace. The doctor, perhaps German, who is on for a rotation of 4 months at Reedsburg came in and examined her saying she would be fine, just fine. I called Pam and told her that 40 pounds of kitty litter was on her sidewalk and what had happened. She felt terrible so I gave her the job of calling for prayer back-up. Amberly called next and had heard so I gave her a 20 second run down then I called Pastor who drove right down for an hour or so. They gave her a Tordal shot for pain, a cat scan to discover if anything is broken or crushed and 4 stitches in her forehead. At last just before midnight we went home. Jimmy and Amberly came to see us and he took my car keys to move my car so I could drive hers up to the house to get her in. He was just finishing up when we pulled in so helped us in. It was a long night. Ice packs on the head front and back and wake her up for pain layering meds every 3 hours not that she slept a lot or me for that matter. The next day she discovered her knee was swollen a lot and hurt to walk on that left leg. Black and blue marks ensued and by golly swelling in the eyes came so bad this morning that her eyes were not able to see very well and actually her glasses got abused badly in the fall and will not be useable so new glasses are in order. A friend in church is going to buy her a new set of glasses. What a blessing! So we walk this out one day at a time. Working is out of the question as is applying for jobs until she gets back to normal. I could tell you a lot more about how everyone still expects her to do the same service jobs until they actually see her then they back off. Wheew! I am taking care of two invalids again. I wonder what I did to bring this on??? IT may be good for me in the long run huh? Whew! Poor Jenna. Poor Jack. Poor Me!