Been Down so Long it seems like Up to Me!

I long to breathe without feeling congested! I long to sleep all night. I long to spend time alone doing things I love to do! I long to write more, cook more and walk until I am tired wearing comfy shoes! Fantasy aside I do have goals and longings and I want to achieve all I can for God and am trying to get my health to another level....so am going on a purge and a push to get there. Wish me well! I will post the details as they develop. I want to read new books and think new thoughts and smile more and learn to run again pacing myself but enjoying energy...I want to dance and wear floaty gowns and slippers. I want my hair to look like my heart feels and my crinkly eyes to crinkle more as I laugh and smile and scream against injustice and glare down the enemy with scripture and knowing who I am in Jesus. I want to help some up and push some down by the blood of Jesus. I want to give up what I have and receive the blessings God showers on me all the while. I want to get out of debt and get into a business that will help me pour into a ministry to help those who have been sold into abuse. I want to see the last years of my life shine with moments of Joy and Victory. So I will try and I will pray and I will do and I will listen and I will follow and I will say no and I will say yes! I want to walk with hinds feet on the high places of my sin and sorrrow...Jesus take my hand and lead me higher to where I would be afraid to go. I am ready!

Angels

We certainly have idealized angels into feminine creatures but who knows how many actually are and remember that SATAN himself that evil fallen angel was a cherub. Does this shock you? We imagine that those gone before are now angels when in actuality angels are created beings and we cannot earn wings no matter how "good" we are. Actually we cannot even be good enough for any reward. WE are sinful creatures whom God saw fit to give a leg up by sending His only son Jesus to die for us and be the living sacrifice for He could not stay in a grave. The resurrection power of God was too great and now we have a Savior praying for us and angels watching out for us after we accept Jesus as Lord and Savior. Angels are, and fallen angels (demons) are, and we are...... simple and powerless next to them...... but for God! Isn't this just so exciting and wonderful. It is the only thing I can get out of this life that makes a bit of sense. So hope you are feeling the pull of the Holy Spirit and will know God if you do not already. It is certainly the most exciting thing I can imagine.

Sick and Crabby!

My hip hurts and my throat is sore now just when I quit coughing so much. Tish is like a tiger when I dress her and that throws my body into wierd positions as I defect the blows and try and aim a limb into a sleeve or a thrashing leg into a pair of tights. My oh my! I have wrapped and shopped with Suzanne, Demetrius and Tish for craft items to go on the kid tree. She wants me to do crafts with Metrie as Karah and her Gingerbread house have gone to Peggy's place to construct. I wrapped with him and sang nursery rhymes as rap while I wrapped for me. It was fun but I needed a break and the kid didn't arrive home til 11:30 PM and he never really was with his mom as she blew him off for a party and he just stayed at Grannies. I feel so bad for him. He has to be right all the time to be happy and he desperately wants to be secure and loved in a home where he is front and center. I pray God will help him find a godly man to emulate and a mom to teach him manners and how to be helpful. Fiddle sticks and bones it has little chance of happening. so you readers out there please pray as we need a miracle big enough for this little black boy's need. I care!

Wheat is my Nemesis

So I learned several years back through a healthcare practitioner who was hooked up to a lab that I do not digest wheat/soy/eggs or dairy. Whoopee! Then I went on a diet that basically excluded most of those and lost tons of weight. I went back on wheat and gained it mostly back and now I have seboreah in my hair quite severely and nothing is working that has in the past helped. I went to the nurtritional Bible and looked it up and discovered that those with a gluten intolerance will develop severe seboreah. Another clue to my neccesary life changes. I think I might just have to really go off all the bad stuff so I can feel good. What does it take to make us leave that broad path of destruction that our diets in America provide? Help me Lord to really make the change! It doesn't have to be that hard...just turn the ship around one more time...

I am ready to flip!

Flip houses that is...I am sick of living in a doll house! Oh how I regret what my brother and mom did. I repent for them even as I realize they are clueless at present at least on the surface.
Mike told me that mom is angry that I bought a house. What I bought was a home...I didn't need a house. The La Valle property was mine to live in as long as I complied with John's wishes and whims. He would have been allowed to come and go as he saw fit and use anything I had and go leaving a mess if he wanted. He had the final word over who lived in my home and whether my kids could be there or not without paying rent.
So where I am today, in the doll house is uncomfortable. I have a young lady not my daughter who helps with Jack's needs and I in turn care for her in her needs and she has many. I have lost the ability to have my daughter live with me. She needs a room of her own with place for her computer and business needs, guitars and so forth so she has moved on. I miss her worse than you can imagine but I release her. Being in bondage to my brother was not a good thing for me or for her.
I was tricked, and lied to. Those things I forgive easily. I love my mom and my brother, the fact that they are tricky and scheming is their thing and on their characters indelibly inscribed but I have such a struggle forgiving what they did to my daughter. Will she be better off without the relationships...maybe she will but it was such a mean and wretched thing that was done. My tears will never dry it seems. I rage inside and cry inside from the blow to her. What right had they to hurt my precious one? I forgive and then I return to anger. I wonder if I can work this out without the words I need to hear. The acknowlegment of what they did to her and asking for forgiveness for hurting her. That is my stumbling block.
So I live in a dollhouse I do not like particularly. I do have one thing I did not have there. This is my home and though it is small it is my home. They are not able to tell me who to have in it, only the size can do that. My dogs and my friends and my kids and grandkids are welcome to come and hang out and stay if it suits. No one can shoo them off or charge them rent or steal their things or tell them where to park but Jack and I!
Yes, I am ready to flip houses but the time and economy will prohibit this for awhile but I am so glad not to flip homes. Get it? Yeah!

Up to the sills and overflowing!

Today Soldiers Grove and Gays Mills has expelled 200 families from their homes due to the huge deluge of rain which is pounding down outside as I blog. My home is soggy, Hobbz the backyard dog couldn't go in his house or lie down. He is presently in the laundry room safe and cozy. I have little to complain about really...
The other flood is the flood of accusations from my husband, as he is having a terrible weekend imagining me as his prisonkeeper and guard. He tried screaming and scheming to get me to allow him to drive the truck in my absence. I needed to send in reinforcements to get him calm. I think it is still raining inside and out at my house.

Excitement comes in many forms and levels!

I could get discouraged as I lost what I wrote but no...I have more words in me. I am looking forward to a wedding shower tomorrow. Usually they are just business as usual and you do them but no big deal. This one could be more interesting. Different types of people will be intermingling in a home and yard and the number could be large. I look forward to going even though I must drive a long ways and hurry back to care for kids afterward. Mom was to go but she just called today and bailed. I think of all the Reiner events I have attended with her but alas she is less interested in going with me. Her hip is twinging she said.
My jaw is twinging by the way and the chiro gave my neck a new twist in the name of progress. I am walking and moving better with less pain since Dr. Emmett came on the scene. Yeah! I am so excited to have hope now!