Friday, November 9, 2007
Wheat is my Nemesis
So I learned several years back through a healthcare practitioner who was hooked up to a lab that I do not digest wheat/soy/eggs or dairy. Whoopee! Then I went on a diet that basically excluded most of those and lost tons of weight. I went back on wheat and gained it mostly back and now I have seboreah in my hair quite severely and nothing is working that has in the past helped. I went to the nurtritional Bible and looked it up and discovered that those with a gluten intolerance will develop severe seboreah. Another clue to my neccesary life changes. I think I might just have to really go off all the bad stuff so I can feel good. What does it take to make us leave that broad path of destruction that our diets in America provide? Help me Lord to really make the change! It doesn't have to be that hard...just turn the ship around one more time...
I am ready to flip!
Flip houses that is...I am sick of living in a doll house! Oh how I regret what my brother and mom did. I repent for them even as I realize they are clueless at present at least on the surface.
Mike told me that mom is angry that I bought a house. What I bought was a home...I didn't need a house. The La Valle property was mine to live in as long as I complied with John's wishes and whims. He would have been allowed to come and go as he saw fit and use anything I had and go leaving a mess if he wanted. He had the final word over who lived in my home and whether my kids could be there or not without paying rent.
So where I am today, in the doll house is uncomfortable. I have a young lady not my daughter who helps with Jack's needs and I in turn care for her in her needs and she has many. I have lost the ability to have my daughter live with me. She needs a room of her own with place for her computer and business needs, guitars and so forth so she has moved on. I miss her worse than you can imagine but I release her. Being in bondage to my brother was not a good thing for me or for her.
I was tricked, and lied to. Those things I forgive easily. I love my mom and my brother, the fact that they are tricky and scheming is their thing and on their characters indelibly inscribed but I have such a struggle forgiving what they did to my daughter. Will she be better off without the relationships...maybe she will but it was such a mean and wretched thing that was done. My tears will never dry it seems. I rage inside and cry inside from the blow to her. What right had they to hurt my precious one? I forgive and then I return to anger. I wonder if I can work this out without the words I need to hear. The acknowlegment of what they did to her and asking for forgiveness for hurting her. That is my stumbling block.
So I live in a dollhouse I do not like particularly. I do have one thing I did not have there. This is my home and though it is small it is my home. They are not able to tell me who to have in it, only the size can do that. My dogs and my friends and my kids and grandkids are welcome to come and hang out and stay if it suits. No one can shoo them off or charge them rent or steal their things or tell them where to park but Jack and I!
Yes, I am ready to flip houses but the time and economy will prohibit this for awhile but I am so glad not to flip homes. Get it? Yeah!
Mike told me that mom is angry that I bought a house. What I bought was a home...I didn't need a house. The La Valle property was mine to live in as long as I complied with John's wishes and whims. He would have been allowed to come and go as he saw fit and use anything I had and go leaving a mess if he wanted. He had the final word over who lived in my home and whether my kids could be there or not without paying rent.
So where I am today, in the doll house is uncomfortable. I have a young lady not my daughter who helps with Jack's needs and I in turn care for her in her needs and she has many. I have lost the ability to have my daughter live with me. She needs a room of her own with place for her computer and business needs, guitars and so forth so she has moved on. I miss her worse than you can imagine but I release her. Being in bondage to my brother was not a good thing for me or for her.
I was tricked, and lied to. Those things I forgive easily. I love my mom and my brother, the fact that they are tricky and scheming is their thing and on their characters indelibly inscribed but I have such a struggle forgiving what they did to my daughter. Will she be better off without the relationships...maybe she will but it was such a mean and wretched thing that was done. My tears will never dry it seems. I rage inside and cry inside from the blow to her. What right had they to hurt my precious one? I forgive and then I return to anger. I wonder if I can work this out without the words I need to hear. The acknowlegment of what they did to her and asking for forgiveness for hurting her. That is my stumbling block.
So I live in a dollhouse I do not like particularly. I do have one thing I did not have there. This is my home and though it is small it is my home. They are not able to tell me who to have in it, only the size can do that. My dogs and my friends and my kids and grandkids are welcome to come and hang out and stay if it suits. No one can shoo them off or charge them rent or steal their things or tell them where to park but Jack and I!
Yes, I am ready to flip houses but the time and economy will prohibit this for awhile but I am so glad not to flip homes. Get it? Yeah!
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